I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
