dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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