Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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