I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Randomize
