Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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