soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
