I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
