You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
