dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
