i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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