he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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