too bad you live with your parents still
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
