I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
