She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
