You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
