nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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