I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
