Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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