Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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