Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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