The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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