he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
