Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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