Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
