i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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