this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
