so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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