do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
