And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just want nice things and good sex
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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