The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
