This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
