I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Randomize
