Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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