My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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