I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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