By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
