two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
