A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
ugly people sure do ruin things
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
