dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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