How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
