remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
