He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
