38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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