I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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