the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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