Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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