we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
