This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just invented taco cereal.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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