I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
