We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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